


The Huminator

by rotg5311



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), M/M, Mute Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Mutual Pining, Sign Language, selectively mute perry the platypus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24867274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rotg5311/pseuds/rotg5311
Summary: After a accidental mishap with a new Inator, Perry is left stranded in a human body. Where will he go? Why is a human body so difficult to navigate? And most importantly, how long will it take Heinz to build a reverse-inator to put Perry back in his Platypus body?
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Comments: 13
Kudos: 215





	1. Chapter 1

“Ah, Perry the Platypus, so nice of you to drop in.” The shrill voice of Heinz Doofenshmirtz called out to his left. Perry would’ve looked in that direction, but the metal restraints holding him in place made turning impossible. “Listen, you’re a little early and I haven’t quite nailed my monologue speech yet, but here it goes.”

Perry wiggled in place, feeling the constraints around him. Tight enough to hold him for a few minutes, but loose enough that with a little effort he could escape. He would wait until Heinz was mid monologue, then bust out one of the many tiny tools he kept on his body. Sure, he could easily free himself now, but then he would miss another piece of the ever growing puzzle that was Heinz Doofenshmirtz. A sad and lonely puzzle.

“You know, I’ve been going after the wrong demographic this whole time, Perry the Platypus. Shocking, I know. Instead of getting old people or young people or any people at all to make me mayor of Danville I have decided that animals are the way to go. I mean, there’s so many of them, I could have a whole animal army. Except a bunch of animals probably wont listen to me, I know you certainly don’t. So, long story short, behold... the Human-inator.” Heinz paused, mulling it over. “The Huminator. I like that one better.”

Perry stared at the device, frowning. Doofenshmirtz’s devices were known for being big and over the top. This one, however, was so small and unassuming that Perry hadn’t even noticed it until Heinz pointed it out to him. Still, as unsuspecting as it was, Perry would need to destroy it. Especially considering the implications of its objective.

“It’s simple, I just aim at the Danville Zoo and press the button, then I’ll have an entire animal-human hybrid army to help me take over the Tri-State area!” Heinz quirked an eyebrow and shrugged his shoulders while adding, “Somehow or another, I haven’t really figured that part out yet. But it can’t be that hard. I’m sure all the pieces will just fall into place.”

As his hand reached for the button Perry made his escape. The miniaturized screwdriver held in his paw went entirely unnoticed as he wedged it between the metal prongs encircling him and pried them open. In a flash Perry was on top of Doof, knocking the both of them over with a crash. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of light emit from the machine causing him to grimace. Hopefully it went straight up and out of this World, at least then it wouldn’t be his problem. If it landed anywhere in the Tri-State area Perry would need to go fix it, or at the very least send someone from OWCA and fill out a bunch of forms. Perry hated paperwork.

“Perry the Platypus what are you-” Heinz started only to be cut off with a flying fist. Even pulling his punches, Perry was still more than effective at kicking Doof’s ass. There were many perks to his genetic modifications, super strength being one of them.

Perry watched as his fists collided into his nemesis’ soft flesh. Over the years he had learned just how hard to punch in order to get his point across. There had been days when Heinz was covered in tiny, platypus-paw sized bruises, and that never sat well with him. They may be enemies, but that didn’t mean Perry had to absolutely destroy the man. Even now he lessened the force in which he twisted Doof’s arm backwards as he heard a pained groan escape from the body beneath his. It wasn’t the usual ‘hey that hurts’ kind of groan, but more of a ‘stop you’re actually going to break me’ kind of noise that made Perry ease up almost instinctively, even if he’d never admit to it. When had he even learned to differentiate between those two noises?

Taking a step backward, Perry felt his foot catch on something thick and heavy. A giant chord to the unusually small Inator most likely. Flailing his arms instinctively, Perry’s heart sank as his paw slammed into a key panel. A burning hot green light engulfed him, setting his nerves on fire down to Perry’s very core. Pain, deep and searing rolled through him in waves causing him to fall to the floor in agony. Curling up on his side, Perry was vaguely aware of reaching out to dig his claws into whatever he could hold onto in order to ride out his new fresh Hell. 

The dull sound of Heinz’s voice cut through, though Perry couldn’t wrap his head around the actual words. The tone of worry in the mans voice was enough to chill Perry. If Heinz was worried about what was happening, then maybe his invention finally failed. For years Perry had seen perfectly fine Inators do what they were supposed to, and while they were flawed in design they had always been perfect in execution. Maybe just this once Heinz had messed up bad enough to kill Perry. It certainly felt that way, at least.  
Then the pain vanished as eruptly as it had appeared, leaving Perry gasping for air. He was cold and uncomfortable, though he wasn’t sure why. The sound of silence was deafening, considering he was almost positive Heinz had been nearly screaming seconds before. Slowly, he opened one eye to peer around him, discomforted by the haze. Blurriness gaze way to clarity, and all Perry could see before him was one very baffled Heinz Doofenshmirtz and one very blown up Inator.

“Perry the Platypus, uh, or maybe not, are you alright?” Heinz’s brows were raised so high that he half expected them to pop off the mans head in a cartoonish manner. With a sinking feeling growing in his stomach, Perry gazed down at his body, disappointed but not surprised at what he saw there. Skin. Flesh. A surprising amount of hair. Perry the platypus was a human.


	2. Chapter 2

Perry let his hands drift down, touching hesitantly at the foriegn body that was now his own. So many thoughts and emotions swirled within him that it was hard to grasp onto just one at a time. He was angry, upset, and uncomfortable just to name a few. The floor was hard and icy below him, causing a shiver to run up his spine. Perry let out his signature chitter in a desperate attempt to ask Doof what the hell had he done, only to be mortified at the noise that fell from his lips. A strange humanoid noise that had him cringing echoed out in the room. With wide eyes Perry gazed up at Heinz, willing him to understand, to reverse the effects of his terrible Inator. Instead he was met with a very red looking nemesis.

“Oh man, I did not think this one through” Heinz said, making a point to look at anything and everything other than Perry. “You know, I thought animals magically wore outfits when they transformed.”

Perry glanced down at his new genitalia. It certainly was different than what he was accustomed to. Idly he let one hand drift down to cover the area, then the other as well when one hand wasn’t coverage enough. He certainly felt no shame being that exposed. The times he actually wore clothes were far and few in between. Clothes had never been comfortable to begin with, and wearing them usually drew to much attention to himself. Plus his Platypus anatomy never really called for clothing, his body was coverage enough. With his hands covering his privates, Heinz was finally starting to make eye contact again, even if his face was still cherry red. 

“Which… doesn’t make sense I guess. You don’t wear clothes as a Platypus, why would the Huminator put clothes on you when you change into a human? Well, I suppose I could make a clothesinator to- oh what am I saying? Take this!” The scientist whipped off his lab coat, shoving it at Perry. He still didn’t feel the need to cover himself, but he did so anyways to ease the tension in the room. Perry had never seen his nemesis to uncomfortable. As bad as the situation was, at least he could find comfort in that. It was a petty sort of smugness he didn’t let himself feel often enough.

“I might have something that will fit you. I certainly can’t let you go out looking like that. Though you do deserve it for destroying my Huminator. Curse you Perry the Platypus and all that.” Perry shot him an angry glance that was ignored. “I guess it might be partially be my fault for placing the self destroy button right next to the activator. But where else was it supposed to go? You saw the thing, it was so tiny. That’s what I get for trying to recycle all my scrap metal and spare parts.”  
Perry followed closely behind Doof into his living quarters. Sure, Perry had been in the mans house enough times to know where everything was, but he figured staying out of sight behind Heinz would be easier on the both of them. The lab coat only covered so much, and Heinz was enough of a stammering idiot even before you added nudity into the mix.

“You’re a little burlier than expected, but I still should have something that fits.” Heinz said, causing Perry to look back down at his body. He hadn’t given it any thought before, but upon second glance, he was on the thicker side. His human body was muscular in the way that suggested heavy lifting and fighting rather than body building and steroids. It was strange considering he never had muscles before. Everything had been neatly concealed beneath teal fur before. With the modifications made to his body one could never tell he was jam packed with muscle. “It probably wont match, but it beats the alternative.”

Perry sat silently watching as Heinz dug through his dressers and closet, grabbing a small pile of clothes for him to try on. He didn’t know why he had to get dressed if Heinz was just going to change him back into a Platypus, but he figured it had to be a modesty thing. He had been around enough humans to know they were weird when it came to nudity. Sighing, Perry let the lab coat fall to the floor as he picked up the first article of clothing.

“Perry the not-Platypus!” Heinz’s voice was an octave higher than usual as he covered his eyes. “You’re supposed to wait until I leave the room to undress, or at least until I cover my eyes. Plus that jacket is white, don’t throw it on the ground.”  
Perry rolled his eyes as he relocated the lab coat from the floor to the foot of the bed. He would like to argue that a dirty lab coat was a small price to pay for his current situation, but without his chitter he wasn’t sure if the man would understand. Regardless, it should go without saying.

Out of the two pair of pants only one fit. A snug pair of grey sweatpants clung to his hips in a low cut fashion. A dark blue hoodie made for a makeshift shirt when nothing else was big enough for him. The logo on it meant nothing to Perry, but on further inspection he had a sneaking suspicion the sweater belonged to Vanessa and not Heinz. With an old pair of shoes, Perry looked almost decent, albeit a little lazy.

Placing his hands on his hips, Perry looked up at Heinz expectantly. The scientist was still taller than him, but not by much thanks to his unsightly slouch. It was odd looking at him from this perspective. Forgoing another attempt at a chitter Perry settled on tapping his foot on the floor to get Heinz’s attention. Still looking flustered, the man had finally settled on a nice pink tint to his cheeks. Perry might have enjoyed it a little more if he wasn’t getting so fed up with his current situation. He glared at the Scientist while gesturing to his body, silently demanding to be changed back.

“You look good, Perry. I mean, it kind of looks like you just rolled out of bed, but that’s in style now for some reason.” Heinz said giving him a once over. It wasn’t exactly what Perry had been asking about, but he still appreciated it in a small way. “Look, it shouldn’t take me too long to build some sort of a ‘change-backinator’, so drop by in a couple days.”

Perry’s jaw dropped. A couple of days? How was he supposed to go a couple days like this? Where would he stay? What would he do? There were so many problems with being a human for ‘a couple of days’ that Perry didn’t even know where to begin. Clearly the look of disbelief was plastered to his face because Heinz shrugged apologetically. 

“Perry, I’m sorry but I can’t rush something like that. You know, it’s kind of your fault anyways. If you had just let me go through with my evil scheme none of this would have happened. And you definitely shouldn’t have destroyed the Huminator, I might have been able to change you back.”

Without thinking Perry was grabbing Heinz and shoving him into the wall. One angry fist clenched at the mans black shirt, balling it up to hold him in place while the other slammed into the wall behind him. A dull ache spread through Perry’s knuckles but he easily ignored it. How dare Heinz blame this on him. How dare he look so smug about it, too. Before the Scientist could reply Perry was pushing himself off and storming for the door. Without glancing behind, Perry left unsure of where to go next. All he knew was he had to find some place to stay for a few days until he could be changed back into a Platypus.


	3. Chapter 3

Perry stood in front of the shop window, starring at the unrecognizable face in the reflection. Short teal hair sat on top of his head, running down the sides of his face into a gentle five o’clock shadow. A strong jaw with a tiny divot in his chin. A long nose, not nearly as long as Heinz’s, sat in the middle of his face drawing all of his attention to that single feature. While Perry wouldn’t exactly call himself unattractive, he also hated what he saw. Being a human was strange and uncomfortable. He wanted his old body back now, not in a few days.

Grumbling to himself, Perry shoved his hands in the pockets of his new sweater and moved on. He was thankful for the cool weather because he wasn’t sure how he would deal with so much thick clothing in the Summer heat. Summer had never been his favorite and he was glad to see it go every year. With unsure feet Perry made his way down the street. He wasn’t unaccustomed to walking on two feet, but doing it from this height was strange. He felt so tall, so far away from the ground. It was something he could get used to, but he wouldn’t be happy about it. All it took was one small thing to trip him and he would probably break his entire face on the way down.

Finding the big entrance to his secret lair was difficult. When he had first become an agent, Major Monogram showed it to him in the unlikely event that any and all tube chutes to his chair were blocked or otherwise out of commission. He had only used it once before and gotten hell from Monogram and Carl about it for days. Now it was the only way he would be able to get into his lair due to the small circumference of the tubes paired with the larger size of his body. The only problem was he couldn’t find it. Perry dug through the bushes as silently as possible in order to not be noticed. His new human eyes must not be as good a his old ones because it wasn’t until he was seconds away from giving up that he found the tiny access panel.

A dark dusty hole greeted him, which Perry found unusually unappealing. Things like that had never bothered him before. Steeling himself, he let his body drop down, landing ungracefully on the floor beneath. It wasn’t particularly far, however a stab shot through his foot on impact. He groaned in discomfort as he wiggled his foot around. Clearly he hadn’t broken it, but he did hurt something. It was his stupidly large human feet. Bad for walking, bad for jumping. But probably great for kicking Heinz’s ass, which he would be doing on sight next time he saw the Scientist.

Hobbling over, Perry squeezed his larger than usual self into the chair, waiting for the alert to reach head quarters. He waited patiently for Major Monogram to arrive, or even Carl. At the very least he would have to inform them what had happened. At the very most Perry hoped they could fix it, though he knew that was wishful thinking. While Heinz was an idiot, a regrettably lovable one at that, he still had access to better technology than OWCA did.

“Agent P?” Major Monogram hesitantly asked after nearly a full minute of staring down at Perry. He nodded back in confirmation as he watched the gears turning in Monogram’s head. “Uh, clearly we didn’t know what Doof’s Inator did or we would’ve sent you in more prepared. We’ll put all our man power into finding a cure, Agent P. But for the mean time… lay low. You’re more than welcome to stay down here, though there’s no bed. I’m sure you can jerry-rig something together. And, um, Carl!”

Perry waited while Carl and Monogram talked off screen for a few minutes. He could make out a few words here and there like ‘host family’ and ‘replacement’, and just when his stomach was starting to twist into nervous knots Carl walked onscreen looking more peppy than he had any right to be given the situation.

“Hello Agent P, I’m sorry to hear what happened to you. But you look good as a human, not that you didn’t look good before, but-” Thankfully Carl stopped himself before he could delve into a long pointless uncomfortable compliment, if Perry could even call it that. He didn’t want to hear he looked good as a human. He didn’t even want to acknowledge that he was one. “So anyways, the last time you disappeared for a significant period of time your host family went crazy looking for you. I’m sure you’d like to avoid that happening again, so we came up with this.”

He held up a teal platypus, showing off all its angles to Perry. It was like looking in a mirror to the past. It was an exact replica of Perry down to the angle his pupils jutted out to when he was around his family. Jealousy and anger swirled through him at the thought of this impostor entering his home, taking his place among his family. If it wasn’t for Doof none of this would be happening.

“It’s a robotic replica of you filled with all your memories of your host family. For all intent purposes, they wont even know you’re missing. He’s even programmed to find a secluded quiet place and nap around the time you’d be out fighting Doofenshmirtz in case anyone comes home early and finds it strange that he’s around so often.”

It was a good idea, but Perry hated it. He didn’t want a robot version of himself taking over his life. He wanted to change back, go home, and maybe take the next few days off. Instead he just gave an unconvincing smile and thumbs up to Carl and listened to the boy talk details. He was too busy thinking of all the ways he would kick Heinz’s ass for doing this to him to even care about the technology that made his doppelganger. As soon as Carl and Monogram said their goodbyes, once again urging Perry to lay low, he was hobbling his way back out of his lair and straight to Doof. Maybe a little manhandling would make that Inator get built faster. At the very least it couldn’t hurt.


	4. Chapter 4

“Perry the Platypus I thought I told you-” Heinz’s voice cut off with the loud crack of skin on skin. Perry hadn’t come here planning on slapping him straight across the face, but seeing him in person sort of brought that reaction on. “Hey, that was uncalled for! It hurt, too.”

Heinz pouted at him, holding one hand over his cheek. Perry could see the red starting to peek through the Scientists fingers and a little pang of guilt stirred inside him. He had to remind himself that a bigger body meant bigger hands as well as a lot more force behind his actions. Sure, Doof deserved it for putting him through this, but if it happened again he would remind himself to be just a little more gentle. 

However the guilt dissipated upon seeing Heinz in his pajamas. Heinz didn’t work in his pajamas, only in his day clothes and lab coat. It had seemed like such a trivial conversation at the time, but now Perry was thankful for it. If Doof was relaxing for the night in his pajamas then he wasn’t working on something to change Perry back, meaning he would be stuck like this for longer. That was definitely slap worthy.

Perry frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. He had come here solely to bully Doof into building his Inator faster, but with the man clearly done for the night he wasn’t sure what his next move should be. Maybe another slap? Or should he just head back home? It was probably late enough that none of the Flynn-Fletcher’s would notice him sneaking into his lair. A loud grumble of his stomach made the choice for him. He would have to go home and scrounge around the lair for something to eat. Maybe if he was lucky there would be a snack or two for him. Could his human stomach even handle Platypus food?

“Would you like to come in? I, uh, made dinner. It’s nothing special, but there’s more than enough for the two of us. Vanessa was supposed to spend the night, but she’s hanging out with her friends instead.” Heinz stepped off to the side giving Perry enough space to enter the apartment. The way he rubbed at his cheek had Perry feeling more guilty than before, especially with the dinner invitation. They may be nemesis’ and Heinz may have just ruined Perry’s life, but that was only temporary, and after all this time they had sort of become friends.

Perry hobbled through the doorway feeling his ankle throb. Walking over here had definitely been a mistake, especially since he would need to walk all the way back. It had taken him longer than usual the first time and now with his ankle feeling like it had been snapped in two, he wasn’t sure how long it would take him to hobble back home, if he could even make it at all.

“Perry what happened to your foot?” Heinz asked, zeroing in on Perry’s funky new walk. 

With two fingers Perry mimed jumping in an attempt to convey his message. Then, he reached down to uncover his ankle only to cringe at the sight before him. A large lump greeted him, looking angry and red. A hint of a bruise peeked out from the skin beneath his shoe. Perry’s ankle felt bad, but it looked much, much worse.

“Oh wow. You know, I think you might have sprained that ankle of yours, Perry. Follow me, I have just the thing.” Heinz said, ushering Perry to the couch. To his surprise a large brown sofa stood in place of the dilapidated green one Perry was used to. While the other one had been raggedy and old, this one screamed comfort and newness. Perry eyed Heinz, then gestured to the couch. “Oh this? This is new. I’ve been meaning to replace my couch for… well, for a while now. But I finally had to do it when I accidentally caught my old one on fire. I know what you’re thinking, how in the world did I possibly do that?”

Perry rolled his eyes behind Doof’s back. He could think of a million and one ways Heinz could set the couch on fire. Heinz was just bad luck. At least this new couch was comfortable. The old one had been stiff and painful whereas his body just melted into this one. Instead of sitting down next to him Heinz wandered to the next room, continuing his story in a loud tone. He came back with a large box labeled ‘erste hilfe.’

“Ok remove that shoe if you can. I don’t want to have to cut it off, but I’m sure the good shears are around here somewhere.” Heinz said, sitting next to Perry and placing the now opened box between them. Perry glanced at the boxes innards as he delicately peeled the shoe off his aching foot and realized it was a first aid kit. He grimaced through the pain but managed to free his foot nonetheless.

No longer telling the story about catching his couch on fire, Heinz now chattered about Vanessa’s new friends. Perry wasn’t sure when the man had switched over, but he was glad for the distraction. Especially since Heinz had unceremoniously hoisted Perry’s foot up and into his lap so he could wrap it up. Perry stared at him in wonder and couldn’t help but smile. Maybe they were less on the nemesis front and more on the friends field. When exactly had that happened?

“There, all better.” Heinz smiled at him, showing off the newly bandaged appendage. It didn’t feel better yet, but Perry knew healing took time. Still, he smiled back and gave him a thumbs up before moving to put his shoe back on. “What are you doing Perry? You can’t wear your shoe over that. You need to rest your foot, put it up. Here, I’ll move over and you can spread it across the couch. Get comfortable and I’ll go grab dinner. We can watch this new show I found. I’m only two episodes in so it’s not a big deal to restart it. I think you’ll like it.”

Perry stared with wide eyes as Heinz moved around the living room like a whirlwind. He dragged out two portable tiny tables that Perry only recognized from television. They were for eating dinner on in front of the TV. How fitting that Heinz used them instead of a kitchen table. Next Heinz brought out two heaping bowls of spaghetti, making Perry’s mouth water as soon as the smell hit him.

They settled in together on the couch, each man claiming an opposite end. It was odd just how normal the situation seemed. Still, Perry couldn’t help but enjoy himself. The food was amazing, the show was admittedly not terrible, and Heinz was uncharacteristically cheerful the entire time. He knew it would come to an end eventually, but Perry was determined to enjoy it while it lasted.


End file.
